I have suffered much abuse also, from those I loved most, but to heel from this you must first forgive.
I know that is very hard to do, but it is the only thing that will give you peace from it. Try to look for
a reason for the person's mean behavior, try to give them a reason to have been cruel. Sometimes it
goes back to abuse for them as well. Abuse begets abuse as a sort of protective device. It is hard to
understand, but sometimes it gives you a clear reason for why you were abused. The person doing the
abuse was probably abused themselves and vowed never again, so they abuse to make others afraid
of them so as not to get abused again. It is so sad, but sometimes it helps you understand and even
learn to feel sorry or your abuser.
I hope you find some peace in your adulthood. Sometimes this carries on for a very long time into
your future and makes you not sure of yourself. You even see yourself as inferior. It is hard to
overcome. Until others convince you that you are not stupid or ugly, or whatever those people put
into your head to control you, you can't live your life properly. Only when you are forced to realize your
own worth can you become the person you were always meant to be.
I guess what I am trying to say is, don't let past experiences rule your life for to very long. Don't allow
those people to cause you to miss out on something wonderful because you are afraid to pursue it.
You are probably "much more" than you have been lead to believe. Don't ever be afraid to be yourself.
Follow your own mind and heart despite what others have told you about yourself. Your true spirit will
come thru if you listen.
Love him absolutely,
Oh hon! No need to worry about me. I do not let these people poison my life by spending my time worrying over the things they have done to me. I simply hate them in passing, taking small amounts of happiness from their pain or misfortune. My hatred of them does not effect me in any way other than that were they to come to harm I would be glad for it. I realize this may sound sinister or a little meanspirited, but this is the way I adapted to hatred, my way of "healing" as you called it. My enemies, once made, last forever with very few exceptions. Most of the people who have been put on my bad side knew what would happen. I am fiercely loyal but I do not take betrayal or purposeful wrongings from those I know. For instance, my mother and I had a family friend, someone we trusted and loved, that my mother worked with, go behind my mother's back and tell lies purposely to get her into trouble at work. She eneded up quitting over the incident. So, my mother had no job, and we had one less friend. Now, as far as I am concerned, she is persona non grata. We were good to her, and she to us up until that point. But what she did was wrong and hurtful. I do not mourn for the loss of her friendship and she knows that she may no longer call on me in a time of need because I would leave her to suffer her fate. I believe that Jane Austen said it best in regards to Mr. Darcy, "Maybe it's that I find it hard to forgive the follies and vices of others, or their offenses against me. My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever."