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Anyone ever have trouble distinguishing who are real friends are who aren't. ?

Having the weirdest thing happening lately. I have a great friend at work. We've known each other for about 12 years now and hang out together on breaks etc. And sometimes not at work. Just finding it really strange that if there's something 'real' that I need a friend to talk to about, she clams up. She doesn't want to be there when it's something important to me or something really bothering me that I just need to talk about.

In fact, I have two friends like this. One is a school friend who is a great buddy but that's as far as it goes. There's no seriousness or any real support there for more serious life issues.

Anyways, just wondering if anyone else has had this happen with some of their 'friends'?

It's great to have someone to go shopping with etc, but when you really need someone for support, and they are not there, it's a pretty lonely feeling.

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Yes...I do understand what you mean...I don't really have alot of close friends..Oh I have plenty of friends but very few that I feel I can open up to or who would be there for me. I had a friend that I considered my best friend for almost 20 years...well...it seemed when I needed her the most, she was never there for me. Or when I confided in her, she judged me as a friend wouldn't have. Hers was the hardest friendship I ever had to work at and I didn't think that is what a friend was about. The people I never would have thought would be there for me was and the one I depended to be there for me wasn't. So after 20 years, I got tired and stopped trying and as it stands we are no longer friends. It is sad because we have so much between us but...it was easy for her to walk away...much easier than for me...but I managed to do so...I do understand how you feel and you find that sometimes the people you never would have expected to be there, will do it without a thought..

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I have had so many so called friends who ended up either using me, publicly humiliating me or being a two face to me that I do not even try to make friends anymore. I am very careful who I open my heart up to. I am quite frankly tired of being hurt.

God is my true and everlasting friend.

My cat is my unconditional friend.

My husband is my very best friend.

Now, no one will ever be a better friend to you than your parents. I spent yesterday with my dad. I realize that is so true. Plus the memories of precious Mama confirm it.

I do have a few true friends. Some are here. Some are at other sites I frequent. Some at Church. Some are neighbors, but I am very particular.

Being burnt has made me quite afraid of the fire.

Love,

Tracy

Edited by JustCallMeTracy
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I have had so many so called friends who ended up either using me, publicly humiliating me or being a two face to me that I do not even try to make friends anymore. I am very careful who I open my heart up to. I am quite frankly tired of being hurt.

God is my true and everlasting friend.

My cat is my unconditional friend.

My husband is my very best friend.

Now, no one will ever be a better friend to you than your parents as I spent yesterday with my dad. I realize that is so true. Plus the memories of my precious Mama confirm it.

I do have a few true friends. Some are here. Some are at other sites I frequent. Some at Church. Some are neighbors, but I am very particular.

Being burnt has made me quite afraid of the fire.

Love,

Tracy

You put that beautifully! Thank you!

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Well I don't have a lot of friends. Never thought I needed too many. lol I was always surrounded by people in school and tended to have more 'friends' then necessary, if that makes any sense. Then since I was married so young, and others went in different directions, I concentrated on my family and didn't really socialize a lot. Now I find myself in my late 30's with really no good friends. I have a couple, as I mentioned, but the funny thing is.

I just dropped an email to my friend at work to explain to her why Im not there. (going through some family stress and just can't be there right now) - and she just wont' reply. I didn't expect her to because one other time when I was upset and needed an ear, the same person, just ignored that email and then replied a while later when I lightened the mood. What are people so scared of?

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Charlotte, if you are not afraid to talk to me. You are welcome to over PM. I don't mind being a shoulder or an ear. Whatever you say will be held in confidence. I only have the wisdom of a ghettofabulous redneck to offer, but I have been alive 47 years and one thing I would never do is judge you. I am not qualified. I am not trying to get up in your business. You can tell me to take a long walk on a short pier if you wish, but I would ty my best to be here for you is all I am saying.

Love,

Tracy :wave:

Well I don't have a lot of friends. Never thought I needed too many. lol I was always surrounded by people in school and tended to have more 'friends' then necessary, if that makes any sense. Then since I was married so young, and others went in different directions, I concentrated on my family and didn't really socialize a lot. Now I find myself in my late 30's with really no good friends. I have a couple, as I mentioned, but the funny thing is.

I just dropped an email to my friend at work to explain to her why Im not there. (going through some family stress and just can't be there right now) - and she just wont' reply. I didn't expect her to because one other time when I was upset and needed an ear, the same person, just ignored that email and then replied a while later when I lightened the mood. What are people so scared of?

Some people are only fair weather friends. Some people want you to listen to their problems, but suddenly find it is time to go when you wish to discuss yours. Cats never do that. When I cry my cat comes and gets in my lap and rubs her head on my chin.

Love,

Tracy

Edited by JustCallMeTracy
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Thanks Tracy .. May take you up on that. You're one of the sweetest genuine women I think I know.

*HUGS*

I try to be genuine, but sweet. Many would debate that one with you.

:tantrum: <<< That is me many times.

Love,

Tracy

P.S. Ask Chachababy she called me the other day when I was upset. Sailors don't talk as bad as I did that that day. :lalala:

Edited by JustCallMeTracy
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Guest DonnaKat

It's sad, but a lot of people don't want to be 'bothered' to put forth the effort to help a friend when they're in need. It's much easier to be there when things are going well. I must admit there are times I've been negligent to my friends and family as well. It's not that I don't care, it might be that I have a lot of issues of my own going on at the time, and just don't have the energy. Then again, sometimes I'm just thoughtless. It goes with being human. I'm trying to do better, though. ;)

I have a lot of acquaintances, but very few close friends. When I need a shoulder, I either go to my parents, my brothers, their wives, or a friend I know who lives in BC. These are the people I know I can call any time of day or night, and they will drop what they're doing to listen to me. Then of course I can always go to God in prayer. He has been the constant source of strength, because there are some things I can't even go to friends and family for.

I had a "friend" from kindergarten on up until after graduation. She was my neighbor, too and we did everything together. But in the end she wasn't a true friend. I won't go into details, but let's just say she was doing things behind my back that I wouldn't do to my worst enemy. The girl had issues, and I had to part ways with her. I also spent 15 years in a church that claimed to be my 'family', but yet when I quit going, only about five of them (in a church of over 300) made any attempt to contact me. No one in the ministry or the leadership even bothered at all. I was faithful to that church, paid my tithes, and was very active...so it wasn't as if they didn't know me.

Funny thing about life - the people you think will be there for you often betray you, yet the people you think don't care often are the first ones to show up at your door or give you a word of encouragement when you're down. That's true friendship, and not just shallow flattery.

There's an old gospel song that goes "They won't care how much you know until they know how much you care".

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Thanks Deb, Tracy, and Donna. Great words of wisdom.

I guess it's normal and like you said Donna, it's human. I'm sure there are times that I've not been as supportive as I should have been but all in all, I consider myself a good friend to people. Or I hope I am anyways.

I just get sort of a hurt feeling when I (the person who makes everyone laugh and am always pretty lighthearted) finally or rarely need some support and those I thought were friends really aren't comfortable with it.

I won't say that they are not my friends, because it's totally not fair to judge people like that. I myself, am probably not comfortable with things. I can't be blamed for that and neither can they. I guess it's more dissappointing than anything else.

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This conversation confirms to me what a special site this is. Not only are we here because of our adoration and appreciation of Gerry, but here, women care about each other. This is the first website dedicate to an actor that I have ever experienced that beams with this sense of family. I am proud to be a part of this site.

In my 36 yrs, I have a lot of acquaintances, but only 2 true friends that I know that we will be there for each other through thick and thin. We've known each other for 30 yrs. I at times, do feel lonely since one of those friends lives out of state so I don't see her or talk to her much anymore. But I know that is not a reflection of our relationship. Just picking up the phone or shooting an email after months of not contacting, and we are as we left off, like no time has passed. I am very blessed and grateful to have those 2 friends.

I do hope, however, to make friends here on this board, because I can see the ladies here are worth it. Besides, who else to better understand my Gerry addiction/obession? :wave: I just want to say this thread touched my heart. :hug:

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This conversation confirms to me what a special site this is. Not only are we here because of our adoration and appreciation of Gerry, but here, women care about each other. This is the first website dedicate to an actor that I have ever experienced that beams with this sense of family. I am proud to be a part of this site.

In my 36 yrs, I have a lot of acquaintances, but only 2 true friends that I know that we will be there for each other through thick and thin. We've known each other for 30 yrs. I at times, do feel lonely since one of those friends lives out of state so I don't see her or talk to her much anymore. But I know that is not a reflection of our relationship. Just picking up the phone or shooting an email after months of not contacting, and we are as we left off, like no time has passed. I am very blessed and grateful to have those 2 friends.

I do hope, however, to make friends here on this board, because I can see the ladies here are worth it. Besides, who else to better understand my Gerry addiction/obession? :wave: I just want to say this thread touched my heart. :hug:

Totally true G's Jewel.

I can't believe how lovely and giving the people are here. It reassures me that there are some wonderful people in this world, maybe not next door but definitely a click away.

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Yes, Donna is hot! :lol:

Charlotte, I can completely relate to what you're going through. I have a friend who talks to me when she needs something and has a problem and lets me help her work it out. But when I start to talk about something that's on my mind or that I need advice on, she just goes, "Mmm-hmmm." I hate that. There are just some people who maybe need someone to listen to them, but don't want to listen to you back.

But I also have a friend, and this is going to sound weird, who is always there for me when I have a problem but won't come to me when she does. Believe it or not, that's just as hurtful.

I don't have friends where I live, either. I live in a very small town with very small town minded people. My best friends have come through Gerry and this site. I have my friends in LA that I try to see once a month. But when I have "problems" or need someone to talk to, I usually just deal with it on my own. I've taken care of myself my entire life, and like Tracey, I have been burned by "friends" in the past. So, I just deal with my crap myself.

Last year when my grandma died, I found out who my friends were. When my husband left me 7 years ago, I found out who my friends were. Like I said, I don't have any friends up here. Thank God for my sons. I thank God that He made me strong.

But I have this board, and that's the most beautiful thing I could have asked for from Gerry. I am blessed, and even though there are times when I don't feel accepted here either, I wonder if that's just me feeling bad about myself.

I'm glad we're here for each other. I have also lost friends BECAUSE of my Gerry addiction! Well, they weren't friends anyway then. "F" them!

Glad you started this thread, Charlotte. I think I'll crawl back to the Retirement Home now . . .

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Thanks Deb, Tracy, and Donna. Great words of wisdom.

I guess it's normal and like you said Donna, it's human. I'm sure there are times that I've not been as supportive as I should have been but all in all, I consider myself a good friend to people. Or I hope I am anyways.

I just get sort of a hurt feeling when I (the person who makes everyone laugh and am always pretty lighthearted) finally or rarely need some support and those I thought were friends really aren't comfortable with it.

I won't say that they are not my friends, because it's totally not fair to judge people like that. I myself, am probably not comfortable with things. I can't be blamed for that and neither can they. I guess it's more dissappointing than anything else.

Charlotte,

What I have learned over the years and believe it or not, since the internet..I find more support and kind word from people I have never met before than from people I feel should be my source of support. I probably have not always been the best of friend but I think my problem is sometimes I try to be too much of a friend. I have always believed a friend is there for you no matter what. I don't know..maybe I smother people with love and my caring...I don't know what the answer is. I do know that over the past few years, I have not let myself get close to people because those I have cared for the most have always been the one to hurt me. So I suppose it is easier not to let people in...

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I understand all of everything you are saying. I've had a particularly rough road to travel over the past 4 & 1/2 years, and let me tell you, true friends are really hard to find. Its always amazing to me how quickly people disappear when something goes wrong in life, but yet they are so willing to call on you when they need you...I've learned to internalize my stresses and sadness, which is why I've become to rely on my job and working out (particularly running with my dogs) when it gets to be too much b/c frankly, I don't want to dump everything on hubby because he is experiencing this "rough road" with me (infertility... :tantrum: )...

In any case, the people I thought I really "knew" somewhat disappeared when I had to start facing the truth and going through some pretty heavy stuff for a healthy person. I've been disapointed time and again, but I try to hold onto the fact that I am a strong person, but after a while it does get tiring. My hubby's family hasn't been much help either because they are full of drama of their own, and we've had to cut ourselves off because we have enough our own own plates that we can't deal with the constant drama of their lives...

Family is proving to be more of a burden than a help, and that's been even more disappointing than anything...I've made a name for myself for being the strong, outgoing person who can handle anything, but there are some things that some people need a break from...

...aahhh...life is tough, but what can one do when no one is around to just offer an ear and a shoulder???

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Charlotte,

I'm sorry you are feeling unsupported. :hug: I think sometimes people don't know what to say, so they just avoid listening to their friend's problems. Like when a person is terminally ill or has experienced the death of a loved one, their friends often feel inadequate or uncomfortable because they believe they can't really help. Then again, some people are just shallow and self-centered. :( I think the internet (especially sites like this) can help fill in the gap, but sometimes you need a physical hug.

I've been feeling very isolated the last two years since we moved here. It is a very rural area and I had to leave my best friend behind in Michigan. After a while, it was out of sight, out of mind; she has moved on and I hardly hear from her any more. But, I understand, life is busy and you can't do everything, so I don't hold it against her. Because of my husband's profession, I really can't share my problems with anyone where we live now. Families like us are not supposed to have any problems, so I just pray and have a good cry when I feel low. Reading the Bible is a comfort, too. God will never leave me or be too busy with other priorities.

Andrea

P.S. Donna, I hope you will give church another try. Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven. :) When you leave a church, the members and leadership often feel rejected as well. It's hard not to take it personally when someone is unhappy with your congregation and leaves. :hug1:

Edited by annieday
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Charlotte, Posted Image and for all of you who have found out that sometimes those you think are your friends just aren't. I've had a few of those in my life as well and it just hurts when you realize that.

And as many have already said, they start with God first (I've found He's the only one who will never let me down) ... and then family...I always try to remember to go to God first and then to my hubby (who has been my best freind for almost 35 years). But I've also been very blessed with some really "true friends" and those are the ones who stick by you no matter what.

Five years ago when my husband got kidney cancer and had to have his kidney removed I'll never forget that night in the hospital. He was in surgery for almost nine hours that day and that entire time I had my son (who was my shadow) and Dan's brother and sister and a few friends who came by to give me a hug and hold my hand for awhile to support me...but it was about midnight that first night and I was sitting next to my husband in intensive care when a nurse tapped me on the shoulder and told me someone wanted to see me outside in the waiting room. It was my girlfriend Sherry from church. Her husband had driven her to the hospital and dropped her off and she was NOT going to leave without me. She told me I had been there since 5 that morning and I needed to go home and get some rest and she was there to make sure I did. She drove me home and put me to bed. When I woke up in the morning I found my whole house had been cleaned...Sherry had made breakfast for me...brought in the paper, taken out the garbage...I was stunned...and then after I was ready she drove me back to the hospital and went on her way.....Sherry taught me that day what a true friend is and I will never ever forget that.

This past week with all that is going on with my hubby again, I have had such wonderful support from my sisters here on this list...true, I can't give any of you a physical hug and I can't go shopping with you (darn it) ... but I have found such good friendships here as well. And I love each and every one of you for it.

Posted Image

hugs,

Sue

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Even at Church sometimes people don't get a long. Remember the Church belongs to God not people.

I can't find the first person that spoke about this, but yes even members of your Church family are imperfect and there will be personality conflicts. Still never let anyone keep you from somewhere you have just as much of a right to be as they do.

DonnaKat, I will gladly tell you how hot you are while I talk to you about anything. Betwixt the tears, I will remind you of your hotness. With my Hubby by my side I will tell you how hot you are and I will tell him to tell you as well. Of course he is painfully shy so he night not talk at all. Or even look up, but I.m sure he'll be thinking it.

P.S. Charlotte, sorry for hijacking your thread half with seriousness, half with silliness.

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I cultivate deep and lasting friendships, but like most people, I do have a few casual friends I hang out with. My best friend and I are extremely close, and we tell each other everything, and really care about each other like sisters... but I have other friends I keep at arm's length, because I feel that ultimately, I can't trust them with my whole heart.

That's true with my on-line friendships as well. I have one very close cyber friend, and many other's who I enjoy hanging out with, but don't feel comfortable enough to be truly close to.

I tend to like meaningful discussions and commonality that really draws friends together on more than one level, so for me to truly invest in a deeper friendship, there has to be more between us than just surface commonality. For instance, my best friend and I are very similar in the way we practice our faith. Our faith is what drew us together in the first place. We both love the same type of books and movies, and we love to discuss topics that interest us. We both love theme parties and celebrations of all types, and we are both artsy.

Yet we still have enough qualities that are dissimilar, in order to challenge one another and grow from our friendship. She is very conservative in her fashion and style, while I'm a little wild, and also, she is 10 years younger than me. She is not a big Gerry fan. She does love his acting, but is not a member of his sites. At first I feared that my interest in Gerry and the sites would draw us apart, but we both value our friendship too much to let that happen. (she may be coming to Vegas with me next year.)

I have friends I see only occasionally, but my best friend and I see each other at least once a week and we talk on the phone every day.

I think it is normal to have these different levels in friendships, and if I worked outside the home, I'm not so sure I would invest in a deeper friendship at the work place, just because of the office politics and professional conflicts that can occur.

Swannie

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In my experience, I have found that *true* friends are the hardest thing to come by in this life. The word "friend" is something I've learned not to take lightly. Even my *best friend* since the 4th grade proved to be anything but. Maybe our lives just took us in different directions but it's not the friendship I hoped for after 20+ years.

People can change in an instant, it's sad but true. Someone you thought was your friend can turn on you just as easily...I've been through it all. It's horrible and very very hurtful. I guess I expect people to be the same kind of friend that I am...when I say it, I mean it, and it's unconditional.

I can count my *real* friends on one hand now. These are people I have a bond with, that I can trust with everything I am. It is so so hard to find.

You guys are awesome by the way! I really love how we all relate to each other here...it's amazing to see the relationships that are formed through a common interest...it makes me love Gerry even more!!

April

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Update:

Well my work 'friend' never did reply to my email. But my other friend from school did call me this afternoon and asked me to go visit her tonight. It was great. she really listened to me and I listened to her - she's having some home problems too. I'm glad she proved to open up with me more than I gave her credit for. A good and welcome suprise.

Now I have to decide if I'm going to work tomorrow. I have to pull myself out of this hole I'm in and get my arse back to my normal happy go lucky self. If I don't do it, no one else is going to do it for me. That's always been my motto and now I have to practice what I preach. Plus I'm going to sign up tomorrow for a 30 day fitness challenge at Curves. I need to get back in shape and start treating myself like I"m worth the effort it takes to look and feel good.

Thank you everyone for all you great words. I really appreciate every single one of you!!

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Update:

Well my work 'friend' never did reply to my email. But my other friend from school did call me this afternoon and asked me to go visit her tonight. It was great. she really listened to me and I listened to her - she's having some home problems too. I'm glad she proved to open up with me more than I gave her credit for. A good and welcome suprise.

Now I have to decide if I'm going to work tomorrow. I have to pull myself out of this hole I'm in and get my arse back to my normal happy go lucky self. If I don't do it, no one else is going to do it for me. That's always been my motto and now I have to practice what I preach. Plus I'm going to sign up tomorrow for a 30 day fitness challenge at Curves. I need to get back in shape and start treating myself like I"m worth the effort it takes to look and feel good.

Thank you everyone for all you great words. I really appreciate every single one of you!!

Good for you Charlette and you are worth it...always remember that! No matter how anyone makes you feel..you are woth it all and don't let anyone take that from you!

Hugszzzz,

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