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Gerard Butler GALS

Depression Sucks


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Dear everyone,

I guess I've been on GALS long enough to feel okay about sharing some personal stuff. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm having a tough time right now. Maybe it's because of this darn illness that won't let go, or maybe it's because of where I am in my monthly cycle... all I know is that I am pretty depressed. I haven't been able to leave the house except to go to the Drs, just because I don't feel well. I don't even really feel like being on GALS, and I haven't really hung out with my regular friends here in town since before Christmas. I just feel so withdrawn and insecure, and then that whole thing with cleavage photos started, and when I tried to take a photo of me for that fun little thread, I just couldn't stand how I look. I know what I need to do to lose weight, but I just don't do it... yet I hate being like this. Looking at the beautiful photos of the other GALS in their cute bras just made me cry, cuz I used to have a great body and nicely shaped breasts. 36-24-36 when I was married. Now I just look like an old droopy lady, and I can't stand myself.

I look back over the last few years, and I don't see how I've lost control of my appearance. And then I think to myself, is this how it's going to be? Am I just going to gain another ten Lbs every year?

I'm a small lady....only 5'3 1/2 and small boned. The extra weight on me is so obvious, that I won't even hang out with people I haven't seen in a while... cuz I feel like they are all looking at me and saying to themselves, "OMG... she's gotten so fat!" Even if I had the money, I wouldn't come to Vegas, I'd just be too ashamed.

Just when I was feeling pretty again, just when I was feeling like a desirable woman.... and now again all of a sudden I feel... just plain unlovely.

Sorry to pour this out on you all... but where else can I go?

So I am burying myself in my writing... Chanson is a good escape.

Thanks for listening.

Swan

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Swan, dearest, I hate to think that you feel unlovely. It's just not true and I haven't seen a photo of you and I still know that. It really is just because you are feeling ill I am sure.

But I have to say, if you are really feeling this way you need to talk about it. As a psychologist I feel I can provide this very limited advice. Depression does suck and the only way out of it is not in your own home, or on your own but talking to people, making contact even though it's the last thing you want. It doesn't have to be a psychologist, a close friend or family member will do for a start. Or call one of the GALS nearest you to have a chat.

We all love you here, and we can support you some ways. But unfortunately it's at a distance you don't need right now. You need people close to you even if you don't want it.

So go talk to a friend, your doctor, or a close family member about how you are feeling hon. It's really important that you do.

And of course, keep talking to us. You are a beautiful person, just like the rest of us slightly flawed GALS. It's the flaws that make us special, really.

You can always PM me to chat as well

Big hugs

Edited by Terry's Witch
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Swan, I often get depressed as well and it is SUCH a bummer. Just remember that we are always here for you and we all love you very much. To me you are such a lovely person and that has nothing to do with your looks. You are a wonderfull person on the inside, and I bet on the outside as well. :;): Just try and put the negative thoughts out of your head. Fill your mind with happy positive thoughts, so there is no room for the negative ones.

Please dont forget WE LOVE YOU and the person that loves you the most is God and he will never give up on you. I will pray that you feel better.

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Guest greyeyegoddess

HUGS Swansong... :funnyface:

I know how you feel, and groups like these helps me get out and get through. If you have one nearby fan to talk to, you are very, very lucky. :comfort:

If it wasn't for the gals around me, I wouldn't have much of a social life...and I'm definitely not a small, petite form...which I miss and have goals to change.

I was feeling really bad this last week. It seems like things are not going the way I really need them and getting depressed is the way I was seeing myself. Unexpected stuff was hitting me everywhere and I kept thinking, What else????? Compared to others who have illnesses and are dealing with ill family members, my little bouts with people bugging me and situations stressing me out, seemed like nothing...

What's worse is that I had planned to better myself but it's not working out the way I planned it--too many stupid obstacles. When I feel out of control, that's when depression starts knocking and I have to beat it--

What do I do? Pray, read, get out of the house, watch a movie or a goofy cartoon, listen to a favorite cd in the car and turn it up really loud and sing along (wearing sunglasses and a cap LOL!). It's times like these that I need to be away from people or things that bother me and go to places I love to go or be with people I enjoy the most. Talking on the phone with a friend helps so much, even if I have nothing to say about what I feel...talking about anything else (especially Gerry) puts a spark in my eye. :spinny:

:bounce::hugs:

:butterfly:

~alice

Edited by greyeyegoddess
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Dearest Swan!!

I'm sorry that you aren't feeling so good, you're right...writing is a good escapade but I think the best escapade would be in Vegas with the girls. Trust me that no one of the could ever judge you, especially not here since here we're all family...and families love you no matter what. Take some time to think about it, you won't regret it later. I wish I could go to Vegas...but living on the other side of sea makes me have to stay here. Here is something to cheer you up..boys? :frank: :KingLeo: :beowulf: :creedy: :mopboyerik:

:mopboyethan: :mopboyjohnnie: :mopboymarek: :stranger: :mopboyjackie: :mopboydracula:

:greatking: :terry: .

Hoping you feel better

Priscilla

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:hello: Swan,

10 years ago my life changed when I developed a 'Depressive' illness, I claw my way back after every episode to a level where I can look life in the face again.

Please don't despair, make a list of what you would like to change, and another list starting with the most attainable first, then give it a go!

If it's the weight, I do sympathise with you there, my medication, and the illness can cause me to balloon!

Aim to loose 2lbs, that is so easy to do, no time limit, no pressure, just try it. Set your self small attainable goals and you will break free.

Imagine you are off on a date with Gerard, he has asked you out next time he visits your town, so you need to be ready Gal!

Whatever it takes don't give in, you must feel the love and comfort the Gals all send to you, you can speak from the heart and know they are listening and supporting.

:mopboyerik: This man has brought so many people together,

:leo: and this one keeps us all here!

Bless you, :hugs:

Anna

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Hi Swan,

I love you and I care about you and I think you are a beautiful person. I would rather have people know that I am beautiful from the inside out than to have people think I am pretty but a horrible person. You have many people here that love you and want to share their lives with you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Suz

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Swan, was wondering just the other day why I hadn't seen much from you..

I am sorry that you are going through this tough time with both the physical illness and your mental state declining - is it any wonder you are not yourself?

I really believe that it takes much more than someone's physical appearance to show REAL BEAUTY.

I think this is from Shirley Valentine, but in it her lover - he's italian points out to her that her wrinkles and stretch marks were part of her life story, her evidence of a life well lived. It might sound cheesy, but I think it's true. How can one live life and not have some reminders of what you've been through?? So please don't beat yourself up about your natural state of being because what shines the most is your spirit & soul.

I don't know if this is helpful but please remember that we are all here and that we send our love & hugs to you anytime, anywhere.

Aussierose

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Swan,

You don't know me yet, but I understand what you are going through. I am bipolar and have suffered some severe depression for years. I take my medication like a good girl but even those don't always help. As I approach my 49th birthday, I wonder where the heck my life went. No husband, no children, overweight and suddenly, very suddenly feeling old. Where did the papery skin on my hands come from? What's with all the silver hair?

I lock myself away from the world and yet dream of travel and new friends. I don't even answer the phone most of the time.

If it weren't for my best friend of 23 years who has become my sister and guardian, I probably wouldn't even be here.

Gerry has been one of my true bright points these last few years, and I wish I could thank him just for being who he is.

It does get better. Life goes in cycles and the good parts do come back around. Hang in there, it seems there are many here who care about you. And I'm a good listener too. I understand.

Hugs,

Mags

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Dearest Swan,

Well, if misery loves company, it seems you are certainly not alone. The feelings you describe are very familiar to me, also. A very beautiful soul once told me, "I don't see you with my eyes, I see you with my heart." I have to cling to that when I am so weighed down with depression and/or physical problems. There has not been much during the last 4 to 5 years that has motivated me to want to do anything other than what absolutely must be done, or go anywhere except work, doctor's appointments and other essential places. However, I know I must force myself out of this black hole before it completely closes me off from the world. When the Las Vegas convention was first planned, I didn't think about it long enough to talk myself out of it, which is what usually happens with my social life. I sent in my registration and now I'm sort of dreading the ordeal of planning a trip, but I'm locked in and that is a good thing. I don't care that I may be older than most, or fatter, or uglier. I'm not going to impress anyone, it is something I am doing for me, and I know it will do me a world of good.

Yes, I still am adament that you should go. Screw finances, and all that stuff, you need this! Find somebody near you to carpool and share a room with, that would be cheaper than flying. Hitch-hike, whatever it takes... go!

By the way, you are your own worst critic, you know. I saw your picture on your profile and I think you are very attractive. I'm so ugly, I wouldn't dare put a picture on my profile! When I was younger and smaller, I was sort of cute, but the older I get, the uglier I get. And that is why I don't even think about dating or meeting someone new. All the men my age are old and ugly, too, though... hahaha.

Also, I think the physical problems feed the emotional problems. It is a viscious (sp?) cycle. A broken heart lead to my heart attack, and the heart attack ushered in more emotional stress concerning my mortality. I regret not doing all the things in life I dreamed of doing, but I've been deprived of the desire and/or energy to do them. Something's got to give and I'm banking on Vegas, Baby!

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I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes after reading your sweet replies. In a way I feel selfish and childish for even posting this topic, because in many ways, I have it so good compared to others. This isn't just about my physical appearance... like most people, I have my good points. But as a woman who once used to be in the spotlight in terms of performing in theater, or being up front as a worship leader, I have always taken care of my appearance and enjoyed making myself as attractive as possible. I've known how to accentuate my assets, and minimize my faults, but now with the exception a few special occassions, I put forth little effort.

I guess little by little over the last few months, I have been pulling away from my friends and family (my sisters and mother), preferring to be alone... and yet hating the feeling of loneliness.... does that make sense? I was doing great for awhile... feeling happy with my marraige and my life in general, but now suddenly I just feel sad and invisible.

I have always been a moody person, serious and somewhat introspective. GALS and Gerry have definitly brought out my more playful nature, but... I don't know. I feel my old dreary self surfacing again.

I don't think I am clinically depressed... I'm thinking that this is just a phaze and that I'll snap out of it. Anyhow... thanks so much for listening, and for encouraging me.

Libby, your post of course made me cry, because some of your postings and PMs have been such an inspiration to me. I hope that you are finding your way back into the good things of life, and I really hope that Vegas will be all you hope.

And Mags, welcome to GALS, and thanks for your sweet remarks.

I do have so much to be thankful for, and I agree that I do need to make some changes in my life. I need to find some way of getting physical movement into my days, instead of just sitting on my arse and writing all day. I know there are things I can do to improve my diet... I just need to stop complaining and do them.

It feels better just talking to you GALS....

Swan

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Hey Swan....

I wouldn't feel right if I didn't reply, because you've been such a great influence to me and many other GALS as well. Not only through your writing, but just you being there for a chat or introspective conversation.

I think I'm a lot like you. Your comment here:

I guess little by little over the last few months, I have been pulling away from my friends and family (my sisters and mother), preferring to be alone... and yet hating the feeling of loneliness.... does that make sense? I was doing great for awhile... feeling happy with my marraige and my life in general, but now suddenly I just feel sad and invisible.

*raising hand* Yep. Happens to me more often than I like to admit. Lately I've actually been more attached to my family, which has been wonderful...my siblings are becoming my best friends. But there are times when I withdraw from everyone. And I hate that. Because, like you said, I don't want to be with anyone, yet I hate the lonliness. What TW said is definitely true...you can't find that lift on your own and by yourself...which I know you know. *hugs* You're in my prayers.

I've always been a pretty medium/average girl. Medium height, build, weight, in the bell curve when it comes to looks...and that's just how it's been for me all my life. But this last spring I had a generic med that made me gain a good thirty pounds. I actually carry it pretty well, so it's not TOO noticable, but I notice it and it bothers me. If I was a perfectly secure person, it wouldn't bother me. But I'm not. And really, who is? So, even though I'm still a young whipper-snapper :funnyface: I hear ya and feel your pain. You know we all love you, you're a GALS staple!

~Melissa

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Aww Swan!!

I am sorry to hear your feeling this way. In a way, I can relate, though I won't say I've totally been there. Just when I was younger and going through those AWFUL years of puberty did I talk of suicide (though not seriously) and really did hate my life, but now that I'm older, and had been told when I was say in high school and my early years of college that I was beautiful, and just as I really began to believe that to be possible, the year before I was to get married and be a bride I gained 40 lbs from starting birth control. It was horrible. Although, back then, now, I'd be happy at that weight, and others told me they'd be happy that way, those who had been struggling with weight issues all their lives, and I could certainly undersand them wanting to tell me to suck it up and get real, I was pretty upset. After all, a girl, when she gets married wants to be beautiful and when you are the biggest you've ever been, even if it isn't big to you, you know it, even if others don't. And, so do shallow people. Ugg. I can totally relate to your not wanting to go out and go places if people are noticing or calling you "fat". I've seen your pic and I don't think there's anything wrong w/ you, not at all, but I know that pain of not wanting to be around people. Last Christmas, in 2004, I was the biggest I had ever been in my life, even more so than the 40lbs I gained. I just wasn't wearing it that well, though now I don't look like I weigh what I do, which helps my self esteem. BUT, back then, last Christmas, I almost didn't want to be around my grandma. She is quite shallow and though she can be a really sweet woman when she wants to be, she has no qualms about asking someone outright if they've gained weight, and why, what they are eating , how much and noting their general appearance. If she thinks your hair is crummy looking, she will tell you. If the sweater is the wrong color for your skin, she will tell you. Perhaps she thinks she is being helpful, but it comes across as just plain rude. She's made my mom, who is very insecure about her appearance and I inherited a lot of her personality in that regard, cry on many occasions with comments about her weight. Grandma can still fit into her size 5 wedding gown, wrinkley as she may be. That is a rarity, but an accomplishment she is proud of, which is fine by me, but I know I won't ever be a size 6 again and that's fine, I don't really want to be. I just want to feel beautiful, so I can relate to the feelings of oh, I can't go out w/ them....but honestly, I think you are right, it is just a phaze. With your health being as bad as it is, that can definately influence your mood and how you feel. I know I get sick A LOT, mostly due to my envioronment which is something I can't really control just now. I mean, mold grows a LOT where I live it is the climate, which I can't control. I can wash my house, sure, mop which makes the smell better, but really when the weather goes from 40 to 85 in a matter of a few hours, I get really sick and have to deal with everyone around me going, "What, you have a cold again?" I have to keep explaining its my sinuses and because I have no money, no health insurance, and its beyond my control--again regarding your looks, and health issues, that does not sit well w/ me, being out of control. It makes me crazy.

So then, if the sickness goes on and on like with what you have been feeling, I tend to get dark and depressed and find myself asking, is this how I'm going to stay? Then, I don't eat as healthy, don't drink enough water, when my sinuses are real bad and really really hate folks telling me not to eat anymore dairy--ever--because that will cure me. They don't have any idea how hard that is to do, to avoid all dairy all the time. It would really be tough to eat well balanced and healthy. So, I can see how factors we can control--like you talked about with your general appearance and what you put into it, and what you eat to try to diet, can still make you feel bad. But we're there for you, all of us, and you can feel free to PM me anytime you want to, just to chat!!

As for pouring yourself into your writing, I think that is a very healthy way to cope and you are such a talented and accomplished writer, I just know I will see your book one day, your phantom novel! So, that pouring yourself can really be a blessing in disguise, a release of sorts. But, should you need a shoulder or a place to just vent or rattle off, you can come here, or talk to us individually, my doors are always open!!!!

*HUGS*

:hugs:

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You know ladies, I honestly don't think it's our fault that so many of us struggle with poor body images. Watching snipets of the Golden Globes last night, I was struck by how amazing and fit many of the women older than me looked on the show. You see them with their sculpted (liposuctioned?) bodies, their brilliant white (veneered) smiles all dressed up with glowing skin and perfect hair. Yet when I look in my mirror, I see a face with a few wrinkles and blemishes, and a body that is overweight and out of shape. I realize these women we see on TV and in films have the luxury and money to keep up their looks well past middle age. I mean, I feel bad when I spend $125.00 every 3 months or so on my hair. I do not live a glamerous life... yet in some way, I still feel the need to compete with these other images of beauty and perfection.

I am certain that this has contributed to my funkyness, and how I feel anbout myself right now. As to aging, I don't think it's easy on anyone to admit that you are getting older. When you're 20, you can't imagine being 30, and when you're 40 you can't imagine being 50... but when you're 50, the whole thing just sort of hits you in the face and you say, "Damn, I'm the same age as my mother when she was "middle aged."

Publically, I give the impression that I am not bothered by aging, and I never discuss other people's weight, because I do not want them to notice or discuss mine. But inwardly, I am greatly bothered and allow myself to be diminished because of what I think I look like.

Each time I see my mother, she mentions my weight, and yet I am about the same size she is! Doesn't she realize that I KNOW better than anyone how big I have gotten?

I guess like Mel pointed out, who among us is not insecure? Who can attain perfection, and yet, so many of us strive for it.

Rush, I saw your wedding photo... you were a beautiful bride!

Thanks GALS for sharing your thoughts and feelings; for your encoragement and for sharing your own stories.

Swan

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Last night I had a rehearsal and didn't even realize the Globes were on. But after hearing about it on the radio and the like, I'm glad I missed it.

I hate how these award shows are less and less about the awards, and more and more about who showed up in what dress by what designer, so-n-so gained/lost weight, what couples showed up together (tom and katie...making out in public again...brad and angelina scandal! vince and jen scandal!!) Like I said, didn't watch it...but who fookin' cares, really? I mean REALLY.

Sorry, I'm FTB-ing on your FTB post, Swan. But I get what you mean. Bloody Hollywood *grumble grumble*

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I didn't watch much myself Abs... I am a movie buff, but I quit following the whole Hollywood scene years ago. I rarely watch series television... so I have no interest in Lost, or Desperate Housewives. I hate the way the "Hollywood" people stroke each other, but that just goes to show that most of them are probably insecure too.

I don't mind if others want to FTB.... so F away ladies.

BTW, the only films I have seen that were nominated for major awards were Walk The Line, which was fabulous, and The Constant Gardener, which I hated.

Working on the last of my new chapter....

Swan

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Here here to the Hollywood grump rant, Abrock! I agree. I've often thought about it and from others who have said this, I have to agree, if I had that much $$ to spend on myself, I'd look that damn good, too!! lol! We all would right? If money and time were no object and all you had to do was look good...heck, Hollywood is paid to be like that and I'm not sure I'd like that kinda pressure...after all we all have bad days ya know? To have to look good ALL The time and always be Perfect...no thanks!!! Couldn't handle it!

Thanks for the wedding compliment, Swan!

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Oh, Swan:

hate to hear how you are feeling. I have not met you, but from reading all your posts here on GALS, I think you are such a lovely, talented lady. I know I don't post much, because I don't feel I have much to say, but I felt I had to post today.

I am a widow of 2.5 years and I am just now coming out of my depression/grief, etc. I let myself go during that time because I just didn't care, but am trying to rectify that now. I am 57 years old and wonder what there is to look forward to except be there for my son, who just got married. This group of lusty ladies has really made my days and given me something to look forward to, so I should thank you all for helping me. Swan, I know that when I talked to other widows at church, I found out I was not the only one with the feelings I have. That helped me tremendously. Maybe, you can find someone close to you who has gone through similar feelings. Please pm me if you want to because I know how you feel. Just remember, that I greatly respect the grace and beauty of your soul as evidenced by your posts and the support you give everyone else.

I will be praying for you to feel better about yourself and to find someone to help you.

Phanaticangel

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Swan I just saw your photo - your lovely!!

I am truly sorry that you feel you must retreat from the world at this time.. but I was just thinking perhaps you should not be so dismal about this. Maybe this time that you need to take to 'recharge' yourself, I know you say you don't like to be alone but how can you avoid it. Afterall we can be lonely even when we share our life with a partner, that I can relate too. Just maybe this is your subconscious taking over the situation.

I am not sure about your past physical health but maybe this is an area that needs some 'fine tuning'. I am only guessing here, but I know physical illness can get you down. My father for last 15 years has been living Lupus and there are times when it all gets a bit much - I have seen it. The constant pain & not being able just to sleep or do things can be extremely depressing.

Iam 34 and have been looking at some of these aging issues myself especially since my relationship with husband is now over. I admit I am fearful for my future and I am too feeling alone at present, luckily we have families & friends who are our support networks. I am also thankful to have found GALS and Gerry who I find very inspiring as I watch him continue his journey to the stars.

Luv

Aussie

PS. I am very glad you are still writing your book as I cannot wait to read it.

Edited by aussierose
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Dear Swan:

As you know from other fora, I have been where you are. My own fanfic has been on "temporary" hold for a couple of months now as I dealt with other issues, amongst them my depression that was fed from the horrors of my last job.

If you are under the care of a physician, please let them know that perhaps your meds are not helping as they used to do. If you are not under the care of a physician, you may wish to consider it.

Feel free to PM me if you need to.

:hugs:

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phanaticangel, thats for replying, and I would like to encourage you to post more, because i did enjoy reading what you wrote. So when and how did you discover Gerry and GALS? You are a widow? I have enjoyed a beautiful marriage for 27 years, and thankfully my husband is in good health. I am sorry that you are lonely, I think if I lost my husband I'd have to be medicated for a few years. I would like to invite you to read my Phantom novel, just click the link above my siggy. It is very romantic and somewhat spiritual. Anyway, welcome to GALS, and I look forward to getting to know you better.

Aussie, I'm glad you're going to read my book, and thanks also for your comments. You are so young Aussierose, I hope that you will soon meet someone else and fall deeply in love or lust or both! My husband and I met when he was 32. He had just gone through a horrendous divorce, so I know first hand that second chances are possible. I wish the best for your future love life.

Seems like I've been re-evaluating my life for 3 years, but I was also thinking that perhaps the solitary nature of writing my book has kept me much closer to home and isolated than I used to be. Guess I'll have to give that more thought.

It's wonderful that we all have each other to talk these things over with. I do have friends in the real world, but they are younger than me, and we never discuss these type of issues. I can usually talk to my sister, but she started a new job, and I haven't been able to talk to her or see her since Christmas. I really miss her.

It's funny that I can come on here and post this stuff, yet to talk about it one on one with someone is tougher for me.

Well it's coffee time, so I'd better go and fix my coffee. You GALS are awesome to lend your support this way.

Swan

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Seems like I've been re-evaluating my life for 3 years, but I was also thinking that perhaps the solitary nature of writing my book has kept me much closer to home and isolated than I used to be. Guess I'll have to give that more thought.

It's wonderful that we all have each other to talk these things over with. I do have friends in the real world, but they are younger than me, and we never discuss these type of issues. I can usually talk to my sister, but she started a new job, and I haven't been able to talk to her or see her since Christmas. I really miss her.

Swan, perhaps you could consider joining an organization such as The Red Hat Society. It's primary membership is women over 50; my mother is having a ball and, frankly, so am I. I'm a "Pink Hatter" since I'm under 50; the red hats are reserved for the "grown ups." :kisswink: Anyway, if you get out and have some social interaction with ladies close to your age who have gathered specifically to have a good time, I think you'll feel much better. I just wish I could spend more time with my chapter; being a "working gal," it's harder for me to get to outings during the week.

Another possibility is to see whether any of the GB fans are having gatherings in your area; being with like-minded folks has been a real tonic for me.

Again, I'm around if you need me.

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Hi Swan,

I don't believe we've officially "met" yet (I'm Christine), and I'm also plagued by depression, anxiety and other issues that erupt as I grow older and, seemingly, more alone. I read your original post with concern and empathy as I've been in a tight spot for a while now; meds don't seem to work very well for me, and I am actually rather tired of griping to my therapist. I'm nearly 37 and life has been in stasis for me for the past several years, which is very disconcerting and disheartening. However, TW's feedback was definitely true: I absolutely abhor pushing myself to network and reach out to others when I'm depressed and feeling more than a tad introspective, but the contact, however minimal, works miracles. I try to frequent the cafe and other "hang-out" spots whenever I can. It's really hard at times because I don't want to climb out of bed...but I try. Trying is all you can do. And that's really okay. Just do whatever's possible.

Even though I lost 35 pounds in the past year, I still have at least 25 more pounds to go. I've had more than one person ask me if I was pregnant (which hurts because A) I'm sensitive about the way my stomach looks and B) I don't even have a man in my life and would love to be pregnant before it's too late for me to have a family)...it sucks! I'm also on disability -- though that should end this year -- and work a part-time job that was great until recently. Now my boss is making life hellacious for me for no apparent reason, and I'm being forced to look elsewhere for employment. I'm rather resentful of this fact because that job was literally a life-saver for me. I looked forward to my evenings at the store and to chatting with my coworkers and customers. Now I won't be able to do that anymore.

Anyway, enough of *my* rant. What I want to say is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE: Many of us feel similarly to you, and I know that if there's one place where I feel welcome, it's on GALS. The same applies to you, of course. Gerry has brought many lovely ladies together in camaraderie on this forum, and I will be forever grateful to him for that alone.

I plan to read your story sometime very soon...and am anticipating it eagerly!

Hugs,

Christine

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Thanks for the kind words Swan and I will try to post more. I have read every bit of your wonderful, delicious story and I can't wait for more. I have also read E&C. You ladies are so talented as writers. I first met Gerry as Phantom and was blown away. I didn't know who he was, so I got on the internet and started looking. I found GB.net first. When POTO came out on DVD I was in heaven and I watched it several times a week. My son thinks I'm absolutely crazy. I found GALS by a posting on GB.net. I came over here and haven't left. I get such a kick out of all of you. I have to be careful at work, because I burst out laughing so often or I have a melt down.

Thanks to all of you and Gerry for giving me something to look forward each day. This is a wonderful, caring community of women.

Carolyn

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Well nice to meet you Christine... It seems that we all have our struggles, and that none of us live on easy street, if there even is such a place! Congratulations on your weight loss! I know it is not easy to lose weight... so why is it so darn easy to gain?

I was the same weight for a long time. Still more than I wanted to be, but I wasn't miserable about it.

Then about five years ago I started gaining, and when my son became ill, I really ballooned. Hospital food and stress just sent me over the edge, and now I just keep creeping up the scale.

Anyhow Christine, I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts, and hope that your own health issues can be resolved. Both my husband and sister have clinical depression. My husband's is due to his diabetes, and my sister's started immediately following the birth of her second child 14 years ago. I have never been diagnosed with depression, but when I was having some problems last year, my Dr did suggest that I try anti depressants. I actually told him that I wanted to try some other alternative methods to deal with my stress, so I have not yet tried medication. The thing is, I am sooooo sensitive to ALL drugs... even Ambien sent me to another planet.

Right now I am sitting in my living room with my laptop, and the sun is shining for the first time since I got back from Idaho. It has been so gray and cloudy and rainy... and once Christmas is over, I hate winter. We never get snow, just rain. The sun is making my my cats very happy.

Carolyn, I had no idea you were reading my story! I am so glad you like it! So you really are a Phantom fanatic? Me too, I have been since I saw the old films. I just can't get enough of the romantic and tragic story. Anyhow, thanks for replying to my topic.

Thanks again GALS for being here!

Swan

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