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Gerard Butler GALS

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I just wanted to say hello and happy holidays to everyone. I know I've been MIA recently. It's no surprise that the holidays are turning out to be a major struggle for me this year. I just completed an eight week grief support group. I still haven't figured out "how" it helped me. I know it hasn't hurt me. The first few weeks were....very difficult. I met alot of wonderful ladies though and hope to stay in touch with them. My little niece Alexis got baptized on Nov.22nd. My Goddaughter Natalie also got baptized on the 22nd. In different cities and different churches. It was a hectic day for me trying to be in two places at once, but I got everywhere I needed to be. My little Alexis is so beautiful. I think of my mom every time I look at her. My mom would have spoiled her rotten. So.....I am going to do my best in taking over for my mom. Since my moms death I have been in touch with my cousins (my moms brothers kids) that I haven't talked to in...........years. There have been family issues and so none of us spoke. The issues were between the adults...but the kids suffered by loosing contact with their relatives. I know my mom would be happy that I am rebuilding my relationship with my cousins. I know it hurt her that our families didn't speak. What made it worse.....they lived on the next street. Went to the midnight showing of New Moon and have seen it a few times since. I loved it. Other than that......I am just trying to live day by day. Thanksgiving was tough enough. Christmas is going to be really, really hard. My mom "made" Christmas. It won't feel like Christmas without her.

I hope everyone here is doing well. I know I've missed a lot of birthdays and other events. I apologize for my absence but I see that the board has been plugging along without me. We've had plenty of Gerry news, videos and pictures to keep everyone busy. I still love that man as much as I ever did. I'm anxious for LAC to come out on video. Anyway.....I'm gonna try to participate more here. I've missed it. I'm addicted to that damn facebook and spend all my time there. Love you guys.

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Hi Boo - it's good to see you posting, even though you are still hurting in a big way. You have been missed! It's good that you completed the grief program, sometimes while it doesn't seem to do much initially it may show itself very valuable at a point in the future.

What precious little beauties you have there in Alexis and Natalie. Try as much as you can to focus on them and their future and making their holidays as special as the ones you had with your mom.

We are all here for you whenever you need us.

:hugs:

Susan

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:hugs: BooBaby!

I know this time of year is tough. We are here if you need to borrow some shoulders. I know your mom is proud of you. Those of us in the cheap seats sure are.

xox

KB

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Isaboo ~

If it makes you feel any better, I'm right there with you. I think the only reason I did pretty well for Thanksgiving is because I had to do most of the cooking and cleaning, and because my children all came down. Otherwise, I fear I would have been a mess.

I'm with you regarding Christmas. I attend the same congregation as my mom did and so many people have come up to me and asked how I would get through Christmas because my mom always did SO much during that time. Quite honestly, I don't know. I've always been so big on Christmas, too, but the last three years have already been hard for me, but now...I just don't know. I do have to think about my Dad and my kids and just brush my grief aside and decorate and make it fun for them.

Dad, my bros and sister-in-laws were going to go to Vegas for Christmas because we couldn't fathom the idea of staying here (my kids will be with their dad for Christmas), but that didn't work out.

I so wish I could give you some advise during this difficult time, but I fear I'm slipping deeper and deeper into depression and grief myself and it doesn't help that I refuse to actually deal with all those feelings - mostly because I just don't think I can right now. I'm a little like Scarlett O'Hara, "I won't think about it today, I'll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow IS another day!" Yep. That's me. Avoidance is my friend. Denial is different. I acknowledge it's there, I just don't want to deal with it. So I would say you're doing far better than I am. :kisswink:

Unfortunately, I have had to deal with death before when my father and brother were killed in a plane crash and maybe just knowing that you're going to hurt for a long time, has helped me somewhat. I know that only time will heal and I can't force things. I've buried myself in my work and stay EXTREMELY busy. It's the down times that allow me to think and again, I just can't go there right now. Not healthy, but it's the way it is.

Sorry I can't be of more assistance, but if you ever need a cyber shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, I'm here for ya. As the song says, "Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall, all ya have to do is call and I'll be there, yes I will...you've got a friend."

:hugs:

Dayna

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I've thought about you, Boo. I know how difficult those 'first' holidays can be. This year I feel like I'm "participating" in Christmas (the secular portion of it that is; focusing solely on the birth of Jesus through those years actually helped me get through it) for the first time in 3 years! Everyone's grief journey is their own and in their own time.

I think it's great that you've reconnected with family and probably grown even closer to already established loved ones. You don't have to take your mom's place; I'm sure no one can do that, and no need to put pressure on yourself. BUT, you can certainly learn a lot from her living years and apply those positives to your own life.

You've been missed, but definitely not forgotten!

:hugs:

Katie

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Hi Sandra

Great to hear from you.

The grief course will have helped you in ways you will discover later on down the line. The women you made friends with may become a source of comfort in the months to come.

I agree with so many in that the "first" everything whether it be birthday, xmas, Thanksgiving will be the worst and you just learn to deal with it in your own way thereafter. I remember my mum said when her mum died that she dreaded the Hogmany Bells at midnight as she always got a call from her mum and knowing that call was not coming that year was very hard for her to accept.

I dont think you ever get over losing someone like a parent but in time you find a way to make it easier to cope with. Even hearing a favourite song of my gran's can set my mum off - better out than in. - even after 20 years.

I am so glad you have Alexis in your life and you're spoiling her rotten.

I am sure your mum is very proud that the kids are being very adult about the family breakdown and are attempting to resolve issues.

:hugs:

Moira

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Hey Boo, :wave: I've spotted you on facebook a few times Sweetie! I just want you to know that you are missed.....Once a sister always a sister! I can't imagine having to go through your first Holiday after losing your Mom...I wish there was a way to help ease your pain ...that goes for all my sisters here that have lost a Loved one...My heart aches for all of you. Dayna, Sally, Sue, and if I've forgotten anyone please forgive me...but I Love you all and just want you to know I'm only a PM away!

Boo, I think you going to grief counseling is the best choice you could have made and with time as Moira say's it just might get a little bit easier!

:hearts: Frannie

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Hi there Isaboo; it is good that you found comfort for your loss. I lost my nephew at 14 months this Spring and I keep his little picture by my computer screen to remind me that on days I don't feel good; things could be worse. He died after his vacincation which caused his Liver to burst from an allergic reaction plus he was born with an enlarged heart and was still on a feeding tube at the time.

Grief counsiling is good and time is a big healer too. My mom died in 1995 and I still miss her; but am glad she was not around to see the death of her great grandson; because knowing how much she loved children; I think the shock would have killed her...

Hugs **May**

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Thanks Ladies. I know I can always come here and find love and support.

Dayna...thank you for taking the time to share your feelings. I know you understand my pain. I too have tried to keep myself extremely busy so I don't have time to think about things. I can be going along with my day....and out of nowhere it hits me. My mom is dead. And I loose it. One of the things that we talked about in my group was the fact that the vision I have of my mom is of her laying in my dads bed dead. She had dried vomit streaming out of her mouth. That image haunts me daily. They say as I heal that image with change to a happier one. I can't let that image and her illness define who she was. She was a wonderful lady who was loved by everyone who knew her. She was generous and caring and put the needs of everyone else before her own. Even with the bad news she was dealt...she told the doctor she was worried about my dad and his health issues. He was amazed to hear her concerns for him when she had much more serious issues going on. She was sick for a very short time and yet all I remember is the badness and her suffering. I need to concentrate on the good things. Not that awful cancer that killed her. Easier said than done right now.

Moira....I hope your dad is hanging in there. I haven't heard an update on him in awhile.

KB, Frannie, Hobbes, Susan, Landa, Katie, Diane, & May....thank you.

I love my GALS. You really are a source of great strength and support for me.

Edited by isaboo
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Sandra ...

I lost my mom 13 years ago and it's still difficult. Then I lost my grandma and my aunt 2 1/2 years ago. The holidays are the worst. I hate them and just hope they go by faster each year.

You are so blessed with your little niecy. Spoil her rotten! Let her be your joy this season.

Love you, honey. You are on my mind often. :hug1:

Lisa

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Hi Sandra, just look at that beautiful picture of you and your Mom and remember the happy occasion you were together. Everytime I look at that picture it makes me smile. You can see the love and companionship. Please take one day at a time.

Love,

Joanie :wuv:

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Sandra

My dad had his 6 month check up a week or so ago and his treatment is no longer effective and he has refused chemo so they are trying some other stuff. Not sure what to think but on the outset he looks in reasonable health. We're just taking it a day at a time.

Thanks for asking

I love that pic of you and your mum try and see that in your head whenever you think about her.

:hugs:

Moira

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Hi Isaboo and Dayna,

It is hard but it does get easier. My husband lost his father last year and and it still seems unreal. He was gone within a week so we where not expecting it. You think back about the things you should have done-like go on that family vacation etc. I have known this man for over 20 years and I did not expect it to affect me the way it did.

He is truly missed but we have lots of fond memories.

Cheers themis380

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:comfort:I know more and more about grief; given the age; I've seen many a soul pass as of lately. Up until this Spring; with the passing of little Tommy Lee; the death of my favourite uncle really sent me for a loop. Every month when we went down to dad's for a week; we would invite uncle Derek across the street (farm land) for a cup of tea and a laugh or two. He is a veteran of WWII as well as my father so they would swap old "war" stories together. Uncle Derek was building barns right up to that summer at the age of 84! His birthday was in January then he died suddenly on February 22nd of a clot to the brain. My father was there to witness his death;on the floor of my uncle's house. Dad had 5 brothers and 3 sisters; but uncle Derek meant more to dad then any of his real siblings. Now dad is 85 and not doing well either and is having to go for an operation to remove his gall bladder. He still stands tall at 6'1 but is down to 150 pounds and is very weak. My sister and I will be taking him in for his operation; but we hope and pray that he makes it through! Last month we almost lost him to a bladder and kidney infection he was so weak. At my age; you would think that death was something common placed by now but every one is a shock to deal with. My husband's dad died 4 years ago and his mom in March last year. Dad is the only one still alive from the family (aunts/uncles etc.) so when he goes it will be us the eldest children who fall next in line...YIKES! But even though I am waiting for a gall bladder operation too; I am in no hurry to leave this world...I just got a new CD "Cardio Salsa" to play while jogging on my treadmill. Has anyone seen that commercial where the red "smarty" is running away from the cashier in Walmarts; then puts his hand up and "scans" himself? That is me on my treadmill; running away from any signs of "old age"....Lol! :music:
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Funny you should mention gallbladder. I just got a letter from my dr. that says my ultrasound is significant of gallstones. I'll probably need mine out soon as well.

You know......we live and then we die. That is how life works. as they say.....no one gets out of here alive. It doesn't make the loss any easier to deal with.

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Hi Sandra and Dayna,

Glad you posted Sandra. We're here for you. A GAL is always missed when MIA.

My Dad passed away in 2001 of cancer. I remember the first holidays were very difficult without him.

He was such a big kid and loved Christmas so I tried to enjoy it because I knew my Dad would have wanted us to.

It does get easier with time but I know how hard it is in the begining. Keep the memories with you and cherish them.

Hugs,

Cheryl

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  • 2 weeks later...

Sandra I hope you and your family have a wonderful xmas and you all spoil your niece rotten and know that your mum will be there in spirit. You were a wonderful daughter to her and were there all the time so try and remember all the good times and that will hopefully help you get through the hard times.

We were having a discussion at work yesterday about death anniversaries and trying to get through the holiday season. I said that I dreaded anybody passing at this time as I worried I'd never be able to enjoy xmas ever again as the anniversary would fall within the holiday season and my colleague actually said a few things that makes sense to me in a roundabout weird sort of way. I hope what I'm about to say comes across right. She says looking at it logically; to try and take comfort; while they are constantly on your mind it is at its most raw on their anniversary and during holiday season so that's at least twice a year when you really feel it more than other times. It may take years to not dread those times of year approaching so if it was to fall within the same time then she feels while it wont take the pain away or make Xmas initially easier to handle in the long run it may make it easier to cope overall with their passing.

:hugs:

Moira

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Thanks Moira.

I miss you too Charlotte,

I'm sitting here in tears as I write this. This holiday season has been so incredibly hard on me. It's a wonder that I am still standing. My father just told me that they saw something abnormal on his EKG today, The intern doing the EKG said it could be not enough oxygen getting to the heart. He had an EKG in june and it was fine. All my fears came rushing back because it was at this exact time last year (give or take a day) that my moms issues started. I don't have the strength to deal with this. I really don't. I can barely hold myself together as it is. He will find out on thursday what the issue is, if there is any. Please say a prayer (not that prayer has done much good for my family).

I'm not sending out cards this year...so I want to wish all of you a happy holiday.

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