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Gerard Butler GALS

What the hell is that smell?


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Well since there isn't much going on around here right now, I thought this was a good time to tell a story about one of my beloved dogs. He's not really very "lovable" but I love him anyway but today, I wanted to feed him to the cats!

First of all, his name is Cricket and he's a fourteen year old plus Rat Terrier. My vet calls him a "Rat Terror" and justifiably so. He rules everyone and everything from the horses right down to the tiniest creatures. It's his way...or it's his way, if you get the picture.

So among Crickets glowing attributes are his ability to stick close enough to you as you walk through the house so that he follows you in to every room every minute of the day but delays on following you back out again and if you leave him there and he can't get out, he has the most annoying, teeth jarring yip on the planet and you WILL go and let him out immediately. Also, one the reasons he sticks so close is not out of love, so Cesar Milan claims, but more that he's keeping an eye on you. He doesn't see me as the "pack leader" but just another one of HIS pack and where you go, he will stick with you to make sure you dare not leave.

I have to concede here that he is the only dog of my entire pack that I cannot force in to submission. The last time I tried to instill a sense of pecking order, I was met with not just his classic trademark growl but a quick and efficient "clamp down" on my upper, inner thigh. I often reflect back to that day as to the luck of just sustaining a bruise in the shape of teeth but had I been a male and carrying an addition package in that area, it might have been a much different story.

Well, today once again, he got the last laugh. Just as I had felt I had gotten the upper hand, out witted him with my human ability to "outsmart the little dog", he showed me that he's still a force to be reckoned with.

I made my lunch and as I did so, he stood beneath me at my side, waiting patiently. I had made up my mind that this meal, I wanted to eat in peace and not be disturbed or harrassed for any of it. So, I started walking with my food in hand. He saw this and proceeded to walk with me. I stopped at the door to my office and opened it as if to go inside with my food, as I occasionally do eat in there.

Well, my plan worked like a charm. He darted in to the room and I shut the door behind him. Now he is looking at me through the glass panes and I, at him. I couldn't resist rubbing it in a bit so I cackled at him and stuck out my tongue and did a bit of a victory dance all while the little bugger watched in dismay. Then, I walked off to find a place to have my lunch in doggless bliss for a change, remarking to myself at how smart I was and that when the chips were down, no canine on the planet could beat me.

After dining, I went back to the office and he still stood glaring out at me. I looked in at him and popped the last of my sandwich in my mouth and savored it openly in front of him. I then chanted "That's right, little man, I ate it all without having to give you one, solitary bite, na, na, na, na, ne, na."

I then opened the door and he strode out, passing me and going on his way as if I had done nothing in my efforts to one up him. So be it!

I walked in to my office and sat down at my computer. Now I must explain a bit about the configuration of this room. It's not a huge room but is located in the front of the house, with a huge window, with a fan shaped transom window and a high ceiling and since the house faces north west, this room can get quite cold and I had invested a few years ago, in a very nice, high end, space heater with thermostat control, auto turnoff, etc. I depend on it in the winter to take the edge off in there.

As I sat at my computer, I heard the heater gently and quietly rev up and that meant that momentarily, my cold feet would feel the warth and comfort of the heat it provided. It did just that but a long with it came the most obnoxious, eye watering, nasal searing, gastly odor I had ever experienced (and I've experienced many)! I stood up and surveyed the room. What was this odor and where was it coming from? Then, following the scent downward, I figured it out in an instant. My ever faithful, beloved little heater was sitting in a little puddle of wet.......DOG URINE!

Not only had the little crap peed on my heater, but he must have emptied the entire contents of his bladder out because all down the side and front of it trailed the golden liquid and now, it was roasting nicely and filling the room with such an aroma that I clasped my hand over my mouth and nose!

Quickly, I hit the OFF button and picked the appliance up. I zapped the wet spot on the floor and then took to the heater with an appliance cleaner, cleaning out each pore and crevice, praying that it only sustained a superficial strike!

But to add insult to injury, as I painstakingly worked to clean up the heater, I happened to glance over to the door and spy the small, bugged eyed gaze of the gulprit staring back at me through the glass with such a look on his face that it could only have said one thing, if he had been able to speak, that is....



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Delene, :D

You are just too much - I figured when he strolled past you he left you a surprise but your discription of what happened was priceless. You really have a gift for writing a story. My tummy is hurting from laughing so much. Thanks

Hugs, Barbara :wave:

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LOL I think this is why Im a cat person LOL

I am admittedly not good with responsibility, or rather, Im good at it when I cant escape it but Im also good at avoiding it all costs.

Dogs to me, as cute and lovable as they are, represent one thing to me: responsibility.

My experience with every dog Ive met or heard of is:

You have to walk them, you have to dote attention to them all the time, you have to bathe them, the list goes on.

Thats just to much for me. The cat is an independent creature I think that was put on this earth so those of us who dont like responsibility wont be petless. LOL I dont have to bathe em except on a rare occasion, they bathe themselves. I dont have to walk them, and if anything most of the time I have fight to get them to give me attention when I do want it. ROFL

Their should be a catdog mix. You know, all the benefits of both without the non-benefits. Well okay some cats come when you call, but not all the time. LOL Some dogs may be independent and not follow you everywhere or have to be with you everywhere, granted.

But there stills seems to be a similarity here with them if they dont get their way.

Dogs urinate if they are trying to say something - cats will if you reallllllly piss them off. LOL But they seem to be a little more creative, I think. Perhaps because unlike a dog, they have more resources to get too. A dog, for example, cant jump up on your bookshelf and proceed to knock everything off of it just because you are not doing what they expect you to do.

Nothing as frustrating as cleaning your room only to come back and find a huge mess on the floor because my cat Gravy decided she didnt want things put away.

And this cat... she has this thing she does. If her litter is not done to her satisfaction or if youre not getting off your arse fast enough to go clean it, shell go up to you and sit down just out of your reach, all fluffed out and pretty. Shell stare and stare and stare and stare at you. And I swear to you the look on her face reads exactly like this "Id like to register a formal complaint"


She does the same thing if its time to feed her.

So as different as cats and dogs are, I think there are many, many, manyyyy similarities as well. LOL

oh and Jo, I think thats why men and dogs go hand in hand! ROFL

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I have a precious little dog and a grouchy cat who only likes me and my brother. No one else need apply. Teeny, however, is eager to please everyone, is content to just sit with you and never poops in my shoes. My cat, Cotton, however, thinks she is Godzilla and has a singing voice that will break glass. Her favorite trick is singing La Traviata at 5:30 in the morning - at the top of her lungs - in my bathroom which echos! She is a Turkish Angora, and even at the age of 18, she can outrun me - this has saved her life many times!

Since we are a family of just the three of us, there is a constant battle for Alpha, with each us us thinking we are it. This gives a nice balance to the scene!

Delene, I wish you would publish your post in a magazine. You really need to share your talent for spinning a tale - you had me in stitches! Thanks for making my day!


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Well, actually in all honesty, I am a cat person. I've always had cats and always just had one or two dogs, but over the years since I've lived out in the country, I've become the half way house for every stray that wonders up or someone dumps off at the barns down by the road, cat or dog.

Dogs are higher maintenance, that's true and I've found that both dogs and cats and even horses all have different personalities and quirks, some good and some not so good and cats can be stinkers too. I've experienced the holding hostage of the bricabrack if "I dont get my way" thing too. Louis will poise himself near a beloved item and nudge it towards the edge until I get up and let him out. That's why I keep mostly non breakable items out and others safely inclosed in cabinets. You learn these things.

However, if you want to break a feline of just about anything, go to Walmart or the Dollar store and buy a $5 package of water pistols. Fill them with water and have them handy in different parts of the house. When a feline starts with the bad behavior, zap him. A couple of rapid fire "squirts" completely takes the mind off of anything but fleeing the scene and it will leave a lasting memory the next time they try that again. Some cats, unfortunately, are not impressed by this and remain defiant but it's works 99 times out of 100. I remember a friend one time saw the water guns lying about here and there and picking one up she said, "And what "game" are you playing with these?" and winked at me. I just let her mind think what it wanted too.

As far as dogs not being able to jump up on things like cats can? I beg to differ.

The configuration of my main living area is one big open space. I have a range island dividing the kitchen from the living area with a drop counter for eating. One evening I baked half a dozen cookies. I make up a batch of cookie dough and bake just a few cookies at a time for various reasons. I placed the cookies on top of the stove. I took my three and yelled at DH that cookies were ready. I retreated off to another part of the house. Then I heard yelling, "Hey, what happened to my cookies?"

When I walked in to the kitchen, he stood looking at an empty cookie sheet where only the visable outline of his three once lay. I told him I had taken my share and left his and he argued with me that I was lying so I baked more. I hand delivered them this time directly to him but when I came back to the kitchen, PD, a Beagle/Jack Russell mix, was standing up hovering over an empty cookie sheet on the island! I just gasped and the look on his face was one that he didn't expect to get caught either!

Of course he made a hasty retreat, defly retracing the steps he had taken to get there. From island top, to snack counter, from snack counter to sofa table, from there to back of couch, not even disturbing a lamp or touching the floor once, then down to the forbidden couch seat, on down to floor and then over in to his basket bed in the corner, curlilng himself up in to an innocent looking little ball of pretend to be asleep doggie fur. It's funny how dogs think. When they fake sleep, they don't realize that you can see their open eyes following your movements around them!

This had explained so many unsolved mysteries of empty pots and pans, pizza boxes and how I found a long missing ladel shoved down between the couch cushions. I had blamed the other human in the house for these mysterious happinings, of course. I did a wee bit of furniture rearranging and felt that the problem solved. But stuff still came up missing, until one day when I heard commotion and came in to find the dog hanging precariously from the towel rack on the side of the island, trying to pull himself up to the top! He had inadvertently hit a pizza box in his endeavors and flipped it to the floor. I guess where there's a will, there's a way and no counter to high!

I begin to realize why these animals wind up stray! They've been evicted from their previous homes and for good reason. I can't seem to rehabilitate them though. The Dog Whisperer could make a mini series out of coming to my house!


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