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Gerard Butler GALS

Not doing so well today.


Melodie
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I think it's the first time I posted in this section. Lol. I'm sorry for that. I'm slowly finding my feet around here even though it's LONG overdue. I think today I needed you GALS more than I expected, over the last few days I've had the inability to even leave/log-out. Maybe I'm finding it a bit more comfortable.

Today seemed to be off to a great start, I was in high spirits. My family is doing well, etc. Most of you probably know the issues with my nephew at the moment, but a few things I may not have mentioned. My brother was able to come home just before Christmas, which was literally a miracle because I prayed for it the same day he decided to call us at lunch and go "I'm home." My nephew has just been released from hospital a week ago after having another series of sezuires, and it's been decided that if he convulses again, to not revive him. But for now, thankfully, he's doing okay and he's with a special carer. (Family Services still have not looked at the circumstances.)

Tonight though, however, I recieved some really bad news and at the moment, I'm still in complete heartbreak and shock, my oldest best friend (we've been close since toddlers) and fiancee died of a heart attack. He was supposed to be 24 this week. I'm a little lost, and it's 2am and I can't sleep. I'm worried if I even try, I'll have nightmares or its a waste of time. I'm a smoker, and I think I'm gone through half a pouch of my tobacco in just a few hours, and I'm almost on the verge of picking up a bottle (if I had the money, I probably wouldn't hesitate).

I'm not much of a drinker, or whiner for that matter but I don't really know what to do right now. I saw LAC tonight (It opened here today) to try and cheer myself up, but that just made matters worse. (I know, probably not the smartest movie choice I could have made. I didn't think of that until it was too late.) I'm yelling at my poor dog, who's only trying to keep me company because he doesn't know what's wrong, I don't want to sit still, but I don't want to move, I can't stand silence right now. It feels deafening and I'm hurting so much.

I've cried, but it's off and on when something seems to hit and pull me back to reality or when I think about it too much. But I can't NOT think about it, you know? There's nothing I can do except deal with it by myself. I think I really needed this place today/tonight. No matter how good things seemed to have been earlier on. I'm really sorry that I'm out of sorts today, or for a while. I think I just need some people outside of me right now to help me forget it.

I'm sorry also, that this is such a downer.

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Melodie, I'm so sorry about your fiance and best friend! You've already been stressed out with everything else going on, and now this!

You do NOT have to go through this all by yourself. Please consider seeing your general physician for your own well-being.

I'm praying for you at this moment!

Hang in there dear,

Katie

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Melodie there is no need to apologize. 24?!?!?! When something like this happens it is so very hard to grasp the reality of it. My heart goes out to you with huge HUGS. I am so very very sorry.

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Melodie,

I'm sending you lots of warm cyber(((hugs))) and wishing I could be there to hold your hand. Please know that you are not alone.

Darlin' let yourself grieve and don't ever apologize for the way you feel - especially right now. Let those around you hold you up. You know we are all here for you.

CW :rose:

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Dear Melanie,

This is definitely NOT much ado about nothing my sweet friend. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel...I lost my best friend (who was also my beloved hubby of over 30 years) just recently and the pain is so hard that I think God has our minds go into a numbness and fog (best way I can describe the shock) for periods of time or else the pain would totally overcome us. I still have those moments and it's been 5 months. You are not alone my friend. You have a fanmily here that cares about you and can help you through some dark days/nights that are to come, but even more important is You have God and prayer. You said you prayed for your brother to come home and he did. I truly believe that God uses our prayers to achieve His will....so I would encourage you to put this in the prayer forum where all of the wonderful prayer warriors at GALS can see this and lift you up to the only One who can truly comfort you at this time and give you a peace that surpases our own understanding.

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hugs,

Sue

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I really don't know what to say. I'm beyond touched. I think most of this was just a frustrated rant. I'm a bundle of emotions right now, but the clearest ones I could make sense of was only anger and pain. I suppose being awake at 4am on already only 4 hours sleep in almost 48 hours does things to your head. At the moment, I just feel numb.

As for the GP, I have a therapist, but she's been away on vacation since the start of the year and won't be back before Febuary. At the moment, she's been helping me battle through my agoraphobia through home-visits and won't let me focus on the other stuff. I'm not sure how she'll let me deal with this on top of everything else. I'm not even sure how I can deal with this myself right now.

When the news about my nephew came, someone told me that it was normal to feel angry at God and He doesn't blame me. Something to that effect, the words escape me now. But it made a lot of sense, because I was, and I still am in a way. This just makes it all the more harder to bear. At the moment, I think I'm just focusing on gettign through the night and the next day with my sanity in tact.

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:hug1:

I'm sorry you're going through such a dark time. I know there's not much I can say to make it feel better, but you're doing the right thing by getting on here to vent your feelings! I know that no matter what I'm going through, it always makes me feel even the tiniest bit better once I write out what's going on. Just know that we're always here to listen and lend advice where necessary. And of course, there are so many on here who are happy to send you positive energy, thoughts, and prayers.

I'm very glad that you're getting more into GALS lately. I know I really started posting a lot after I had a breakdown of sorts and came here seeking support. The wonderful response that I received made me never want to leave. Sometimes when the world seems like it's crashing in on you there's nothing better than to get lost in Gerry, and the love of fellow Gals.

I'm sending you my good vibes, and I hope things improve soon. Feel free to rant whenever you need to, and please keep us updated.

Love,

Stephanie

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Melodie :comfort:

I am so sorry for all you are dealing with - it is hard enough to cope without also having no sleep to make it even more difficult.

You will be in my prayers and thoughts.

Best,

Barb

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Melodie, just by sharing your thoughts and feelings with us is a start in the right direction. I am so sorry for your loss and at such a young age and of course for the other turmoil you are dealing with right now. It does make you want to scream at the world. It's just one of the emotions you will go through my Dear. Sue (Irish) would be the one to connect with as she is dealing with each and every emotion that you are Sweetie. My heart goes out to you and I will certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers. We are your extended fanmily and we're here for you for whatever the reason...in good times as well as bad!

:hearts: Frannie

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Melodie don't ever be afraid to vent or feel like you have to apologize for it. It's true of what's been stated before, we're FANmily. I am profoundly sorry for your loss. Please know we are all keeping you in our prayers, thoughts and well wishes. You couldn't have found a better group of Gals to surround yourself with.

:hugs:

Bex

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Melodie,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have heard people say that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. That may be true but sometimes in your life you have to wonder just how much more you can take. When will life become a little more calm. I know you are having a whirlwind of feelings right now. But you will get through this. You really will. Take small steps. Give yourself time to deal with your grief. Don't feel bad when you feel like ranting, being moody or cryiing. And please come here and post whenever you need to. Sometimes being with our Gals family is great therapy.

Take care my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Connie

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