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Gerard Butler GALS

Feedback Wanted on Screenplay


Christine ONeal
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As I posted a couple months ago, my friend Karen and I are working on a screenplay adaptation of her book "Capitol Punishment". We just finished the second draft and would appreciate some constructive criticism of what we have so far. Here's a description of her book as listed on Amazon($10.06 - Paperback, $5 - Kindle):

"A sometimes funny, sometimes frightening and frequently "too close to home" look at how far people will go to clean the Congressional House. And the Senate. Geneticist Samantha Mallard has lived her life in a lab, separated from the world, sequestered in her shell and afraid of what would happen if she ever stuck her head out. Then an attempt is made on her life and she does the only thing she can do - she packs up her laptop, her suitcase and her three-legged cat and she runs. Praying for help, but fearing it will not come, she contacts the only man she has ever loved, tabloid journalist Daniel Callahan. While working to discover why Samantha, a timid scientist was targeted for murder, their investigation leads to something far more shocking; an imminent and potentially cataclysmic revolution. The revolution is being waged by a subversive group of outraged citizens determined to punish our lawmakers with lethal force. They have issued a death sentence on corrupt, power hungry politicians and there will be no stay of execution. Though unable to find assistance from any quarter, overwhelmed by the magnitude of their task and positive of their inadequacy to achieve it, Samantha and Daniel refuse to give up. Drawing upon strength they didn't know they possessed, they persevere down a path that will teach them about life, love, each other, and most importantly themselves. Can these ordinary citizens save Congress from the wrath of the people? Should they even try?"

The role of Daniel Callahan was written with Gerry in mind.

If you're interested in reading and providing some feedback, pm me and I will send you the screenplay file(PDF) and some questions to answer.

Hopefully we can get some valuable feedback to consider as we continue to tweak the screenplay. Thanks so much for your support. :D

Edited by Christine ONeal
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Christine, just wanted to make a suggestion to you. If I were you I'd have interested gals pm you instead of leaving your email open here on the site where anyone including unregistered members can ask you for your work. You could risk getting it stolen. If they pm you then you know it's one of the gals as only registered members can view and pm then you can pm them back with the email address.

Delene

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  • 1 month later...

I took note of the suggestion and fixed the post. Thanks for the suggestion. My friend and I have finished the 4th draft and are still looking for people to read our screenplay and provide feedback. My co-writer is going to be here in 3 weeks so we can do some serious work on it while together instead of through chat or phone. So like I said above, PM me here with your email address to get it sent to you with some questions...Thanks for your input and with some luck and more work, the screenplay will make it to the big screen with Mr. Butler playing the lead role. Does a steamy(literally and figuratively) shower sex scene(not in the book) capture anyones's attention? :cunning:

Edited by Christine ONeal
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