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Swansong

Final Thoughts on Vegas

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For those of you you just popped into this thread, here are the links for parts 1, 2 and 3, of my Vegas Adventure:

Swan's Dream Part 1

Swan's Dream Part 2

Swan's Dream Part 3

Swan's Dream Come True Part 4: Some Final thoughts on the Vegas experience:

I have never believed things happen in our lives by chance... no, on the contrary, I believe there is a plan and purpose for each of us, and that we are guided to the places and people who frame our lives. I believe that my marriage to Bill, and the love we share is a gift, and that we were brought together at a certain time and a certain place, by design. I also believe that our son, Nathan was given to us by that same design, and if I could tell you the circumstances surrounding his birth... it would blow your mind.

This is how my life has always been, and even in the most excruciating seasons of chaos or spiritual famine... I have always seen the hand of divine design.

Therefore... I can say that my being here on GALS, and my connection with the Phantom, and then with the person of Gerry Butler... were meant to be. I have come here... or I have been brought here for reasons that have nothing to do with my own selfish fan motives, or even just for the sheer pleasure of it... something more is happening.

The trip to Vegas, as I have already stated, would never have happened for me unless someone felt compelled to get me there. So many pieces had to fit and come together in order for me to have experienced all I have described in this 4 part account.

Someone asked me in a PM... if I really appreciated the gift I have been given. The answer to that question is an unequivocal yes, I do.... more than I will ever be able to express, no matter how many words or books I write.

I was given the gift of meeting so many beautiful, intelligent, funny, sensitive and compassionate... passionate women... who now have a part in shaping my life as I enter my next 50 years. These women have taught me so much over the past year. They have helped me to discover a rich feminine and sexy aspect of my nature that until Gerry and GALS... I was afraid to express. They have laughed with me, encouraged me, prayed for me and loved me... without ever seeing my face, or hearing the sound of my voice. This was all given to me BEFORE Vegas.... I was embraced when I was yet physically unknown. When I have been down, sweet PMs pop up in my box... Beachie, Suz, or Toni, or Anna or Gabriel... asking if I am okay, or just kind words of encouragement. Some of you have even called me, and many of you follow-up my public posts with heartfelt responses.

As I have tried to explain this phenomenon to my husband, and as he has come to understand the fellowship and love... and just plain fun I have found here.... you have all been embraced by my entire family... and now even my son has been included in all the good things, you all and Gerry have brought to my life.

Do I understand the gift, and do I appreciate it?

Yes.

I have already spoken of the Butler Award night, and of meeting Gerry face to face under completely gorgeous circumstances, and many of you were there to see the look of utter shock on my face. That moment also, I believe is part of the design being laid out for my life.... but oh my friends... it has very little to do with me and my desire to meet a man who has touched my life so richly. And it has little to do with my being deserving of that meeting, because of the hardships I have been through with my son.

Please... I am in the prayer forum each day on this board... and there are so many members here on GALS, who if suffering made one deserving... they would have been standing next to Gerry instead of me. Sure, I have been through a lot, but so have many of you.... I mean, that is just life... isn't it. We have good times and bad times... seasons of joy and seasons of sorrow. We each experience life differently... but no one goes through this life unscathed.

While I very much appreciate the efforts of all who had a hand in Gerry crashing our party (and oh what a crash!).... it is what has happened since that night, which truly opened my eyes to the divine design in my Vegas adventure.

Gerry is a remarkable man, who has been given an opportunity to bless many through his uncommon talent as an actor; and with his caring nature, as a compassionate human being... he reaches out to fans when he can. That is just his way. But as I stood there lost in that monumental moment.... looking in those eyes and feeling a palpable sense of kismet.... only one thought blazed through the fog of fever, awe and just plain shock. Only one face and form superseded the beautiful man who was awarding us all with his presence.

Nathan.... my son.

Posted Image

For me... the whole thing was about my son... about showcasing his music, and about doing absolutely anything I could to be certain that his music is heard. You all heard the aria, I knew by your response that even if my voice had not done the song justice.... my son's music moved you. That is all I asked for... that is all I wanted. My fear was that his music would be buried in our musty basement... because though we have done many great projects together... his illness obviously silenced that very special part of his soul... where his music is born.

To have a chance now... for that music to once again erupt with passion from this lonely and introverted young man, is an absolute miracle.

You have all been a part of that miracle.... and Gerry was a part of it too... and now the studio is alive with activity, as Nathan updates his equipment and software. He stayed up for nearly 24 hours yesterday, installing new software; organizing his sound library... experimenting with new techniques, and studying his manuals. All day today, music pounded in the basement, as he shaped and molded his samples, and prepared for even more improvements to come.

There is a glow on his face, and a lightness to his steps.... and he is smiling again. Now, whether or not he can actually achieve his big dream of composing movie scores, is really immaterial. The point is.... he is trying, and dreaming and working toward a goal.... he has hope again, he can see a future for himself which had been virtually abandoned, until only a few months ago when we started Chanson together.

So when you see the photos of me with the gorgeous and sweet Gerry Butler, in all the various expressions captured on disk or film... do not think of me as Swansong.... the fan.

Think of me as Bonnie Anne.... Nathan's mom.

In my eyes.... this whole thing was for Nathan.... and to all of you who had a part in this happening... Dayna, Tonya, Jenni, my dear Gerry.... and all you beautiful GALS and handsome PALS.... I love you, I thank you...

And God bless you.

Bonnie Anne

Edited by Swansong

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Swan -- Once again, you have touched my soul with your words. My heart is so very full at the moment, I'm not sure that I can write anything to add to that. All I can is that to have been a part of the whole Vegas experience has been a truly profound experience for me. To have seen you sing that night, knowing what the history of your music is was an indescribable experience. Thank you for letting us share in that.

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Hi Swan,

I have never met you, or just to be very honest, do not know you.

I have been reading your accounts of the LV convention over the past week, and I just want to let you know - I'm so moved and touched by your accounts of the event. Among other gifts that you have, the eloquently use of words and vivid expression of your own feelings have me fully hooked. Congratulations on your win again, and I'm so happy for you. Now you have this precious memory and experience that will stay with you forever. I'm feeling a little bit envious now.... ::D:

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darling Bonnie Anne....

Your words touch my heart and bring inspiration and illumination to some lingering dark and shadowy places in the depths of my spirit....

I feel that all unfolds in divine right timing~~~ and there has been such a creation of Goodness and Kindness and Grace, which seems to emanate from Gerry and has brought so many souls together in beautiful kinship....as if a sparkling stone was dropped into a still pool....the circle widens and the ripples connect to one another, on and on...and all of our hearts become a part of that stream , flowing and embracing one another, through the ebb and flow of the endless sea of Love, we are ONE.

I have mused on this endlessly since stumbling upon this particular little "Gerry" corner of the Universe....trying to understand the powerful impact that this journey has had upon my life. Sometimes, I despair of ever finding the "pairrrrfect" words to describe or explain what it means and how I feel about Gerry, about my sisters and brothers here and elsewhere in *Gerry-land* and about the countless blessings I have been given as a gift during this past year and a half.

I know that there are those in my so-called "real life" who think it is all more than slightly mad, and I have been learning to let go of the need I once had to "make them understand and see what it all means to me". The fact is, some will never "get it". and that is *okay*. It does not lessen the importance of something which has, in many ways, changed my life and brought me back into a world of friendship, laughter, fun, caring, compassion, inspiration, creativity, boundless JOY and so much Hope!

There are so many stories of the friendships which have been forged among *us* and even Gerry himself has acknowledged how special that is and I loved it when he called us a Team.

I have come to a point in my life where I am actively seeking to STOP questioning the package in which these profound "gifts of the spirit" arrive in our lives. Does it in any way lessen the gift if it comes to us in an unconventional way?

What does it matter that some first noticed Gerry as the beautiful charmer who stole away their very breath ...or if they were swept away into the world of the Phantom or the Stranger....or it they were initially "coerced" to a Tart gathering or a GALS get together or a movie or a dinner....what does it even matter what name we call ourselves....at the end of the day, so many of us just call ourselves Grateful....to have found one another....and Joyous, that we have been given such a beautiful, priceless Gift of the FANmily of Friends who give and share and pray and Love, with one another, for one another....and for all that we have *learned* about the True meaning of Unconditional Love.

I guess that is what your story really illustrates to me....the unconditional love you feel for Nathan and this same special love which is evident in the hearts and souls, the stories and the lives of the people in this little corner of the Universe where we gather to celebrate this humble, goofy, charming, amazing, passionate, funny and oh-so-totally REAL person called Gerry.

It is a gift for which I speak an endless prayer of Thanks ~~

and I ask a special blessing on your beautiful heart, Bonnie Anne...for you are doing a special work which has nothing to do with everyday and ordinary things, and everything to do with the extraordinary Gift you have been given of *communicating* Love in all you say and do and in who you *are*.

I am so sorry to just ramble on....it is just that your words have touched a personally *poignant* chord within me and I know that I am always searching for a way to make peace in this life...within myself and to share that peace with those close to me, whenever I can, as often as possible.

Thank you, from my heart, for speaking your truth and for speaking mine as well....

xoxoxoCheri

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I am so moved by your eloquent stories of the happenings in Vegas. You are seeing the bigger picture of what fanship of Gerry means and how it has changed so many people's lives. I hope that Gerry fully appreciates what he means to all of and why. I hope that he doesn't just think that we are fairweather fans who will be gone if his looks start to fade with age.

Nathan is a handsome and talented young man, and it is so heartwarming to see that he has been given a new lease on life by having a reason to pursue his wonderful God-given talent. His music is professional quality and I can't imagine that he won't make a success of it, especially with his loving, supportive Mom behind him. I had tears running down my face as I listened to you sing his gorgeous music with your clear, beautiful voice. Is there any way I can get a CD of more of this music? Please PM me.

And God bless you and Nathan. You deserve it.

Edited by suzyfromtexas

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Bonnie Anne, you and your beautiful son are so inspirational, we all face traumas and difficulties in our lives, but you two have shown that it is possible to climb from the pit of despair to reach for the stars!

You are both such talented, unassuming, courageous people who have a potent charisma that will inspire others.

All my love to you both,

Anna

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Bonnie Anne, once again I have to wipe tears of joy from my eyes. It just warms the heart knowing that Nathan has found his muse again and has a spring in his step and hope in his heart. We share in his joy and yours. Triumphing over adversity, sharing each others burdens, rejoicing with those that rejoice, weeping with those who weep, inspiring each other on to better things...it's what it's all about, this thing called humanity. I am so glad I found that here among Gerry's fans. Gerry is special so it is no surprise that his fans are too.

Love and hugs...Robyne

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Bonnie Anne, once again I have to wipe tears of joy from my eyes. It just warms the heart knowing that Nathan has found his muse again and has a spring in his step and hope in his heart. We share in his joy and yours. Triumphing over adversity, sharing each others burdens, rejoicing with those that rejoice, weeping with those who weep, inspiring each other on to better things...it's what it's all about, this thing called humanity. I am so glad I found that here among Gerry's fans. Gerry is special so it is no surprise that his fans are too.

Love and hugs...Robyne

Robyne:[/color]

You have put into words what I think GALS

is all about. The love and encouragement

is so overwhelming its just wonderful.

Swan:

As I read your stories I have tears streaming

down my face. Your words are so heartfelt

and elegant.

I am so happy for Nathan, that he is doing so

well and has hope again. His music is truly

beautiful.

I know we havent met yet, but I feel as if I

have known you for ever. Cant wait till we

met!! Hope you are ready for one of those

boob swishing hugs I keep ready about.

Love to you and Nathan.

Debbie

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Here I go again..

Swannie, you are such a beautiful person, and I was so happy to get to meet you. I think you know how the music that you and your gorgeous son makes me feel. If you didn't kow before, you knew when I almost tackled you to the ground after singing it in Vegas!

Your stories, music and the beautiful way you see life is a constant inspiration.

I'm so happy that you got a chance to meet your muse.

Those moments will last us a lifetime, and no one deserved it more than you!

HUGE hugs and love!

Bethy

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And hugs back to you Bethy. You have no idea how you have inspired me. In the months before your mother left this earth, I was always so amazed at how through all you were going through... you maintained your sense of humor and stayed connected to that wonderful creative energy of yours.

Many time when I have allowed myself to get so down and so worried about Nathan, I have thought of you, and of how well you conducted yourself under such difficult circumstances.

You make me smile.

Swan

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Bonnie Anne, once again I have to wipe tears of joy from my eyes. It just warms the heart knowing that Nathan has found his muse again and has a spring in his step and hope in his heart. We share in his joy and yours. Triumphing over adversity, sharing each others burdens, rejoicing with those that rejoice, weeping with those who weep, inspiring each other on to better things...it's what it's all about, this thing called humanity. I am so glad I found that here among Gerry's fans. Gerry is special so it is no surprise that his fans are too.

Love and hugs...Robyne

Robyne:[/color]

You have put into words what I think GALS

is all about. The love and encouragement

is so overwhelming its just wonderful.

Swan:

As I read your stories I have tears streaming

down my face. Your words are so heartfelt

and elegant.

I am so happy for Nathan, that he is doing so

well and has hope again. His music is truly

beautiful.

I know we havent met yet, but I feel as if I

have known you for ever. Cant wait till we

met!! Hope you are ready for one of those

boob swishing hugs I keep ready about.

Love to you and Nathan.

Debbie

Debbie... yes, dear.... I am very excited about meeting you too at the Jam! I hope we have plenty of time to get to know one another.

Just this minute, Nathan is downstairs in the studio, working with a new tutorial program we purchased for him. Also, he has been corresponding with film students, and it looks as though he may be composing scores for some film shorts to be shown at film festivals. He will receive no $$ for this work... but he will receive credit, and his music will be heard. This gives me much to celebrate!

I believe Nathan has newfound confidence as a result of Vegas.... which has given him the courage to go after what he wants. I see a drive and ambition in my son which has not been there before. he is actively pursuing his dream... not just waiting for it to come to him.

All of this has come indirectly through Gerry.

Swan

Edited by Swansong

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Bonnie Anne, that is fantastic news, so happy for Nathan, and you.

Anna ::D:

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I am so moved by your eloquent stories of the happenings in Vegas. You are seeing the bigger picture of what fanship of Gerry means and how it has changed so many people's lives. I hope that Gerry fully appreciates what he means to all of and why. I hope that he doesn't just think that we are fairweather fans who will be gone if his looks start to fade with age.

Nathan is a handsome and talented young man, and it is so heartwarming to see that he has been given a new lease on life by having a reason to pursue his wonderful God-given talent. His music is professional quality and I can't imagine that he won't make a success of it, especially with his loving, supportive Mom behind him. I had tears running down my face as I listened to you sing his gorgeous music with your clear, beautiful voice. Is there any way I can get a CD of more of this music? Please PM me.

And God bless you and Nathan. You deserve it.

Thank you for your comments Suzi.... I know for certain, that I am NOT a fairweather fan. I will be Gerry's fan for as long as he makes films. Through the good and pleasant times, and through the dark and stormy ones.

As to his looks fading with age? So far, as he gets older he gets better looking.... he may lose his youthful luster one day, but what is inside will never fade.

Swan

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Bonnie Ann, I waited till you had completed your writing to comment. I am not sure where to start. You write much more elequently than most of us and this is as it should be. I only have two, well actually, three things to say.

1. First and foremost, thanks for sharing your story with us. Reading it in many way, parallels my, and should I say, our, experiences in being with so many wonderful and understanding women.

2. Secondly, and not in anyway less importantly, it is the ability of Gerry to inspire. I know he doesn't understand it, nor do we, but he is able to, just with his own life, the way he leads it and the way he follows his own dreams to inspire us, and those around us, to follow our own. And the fact that he shares that with us, his admiring and ardent fans.

3. Thirdly, and with the greatest pleasure, I am so excited and happy for Nathan. Between your own belief and showcasing his talent I am so glad to have been part of that, if only in the audience. I, like you, believe there is a plan for each of us. We have a choice of following it or wasting our lives. Sometimes, the plan manifests itself in our dreams. The lesson for all of us is to be relatively happy and content we must follow our dreams.

It was a pleasure meeting you. I hope for your and your dear son things continue to improve. I am no pollyanna, and of course there will be setbacks, but all in all I see and hear a good future for you both.

Love and big Hugs

Cat

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Swan - it actually annoys me that anyone would EVER question whether you, of all people, appreciate the gift you were given. I can't imagine anyone who appreciates it more than you - and you express yourself so beautifully, whether in the written word or thru the music you and Nathan share.

You always touch my heart in a way few people can, and I can say with all honesty that I think I appreciate your Gerry encounter and all of its implications and its ramifications far more than I appreciate my own. Yours truly was a God shot, it was heaven sent, it was kismet, karma, destiny, all of that. I believe it was all of those things for the same reason you believe it - because of Nathan. Yes, it was amazing and incredible to see you meet Gerry, but to know what that meeting means to your son touches at an even deeper and more spiritual level.

May all of your, AND NATHAN's dreams come true. May he see the realization of his musical talent on the big screen one day, and may his music continue to touch and inspire others as it already has here, for all of us.

Lots of love to you, Bill and of course Nathan

Susan

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Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Susan and Cat!

Just today, we purchased a brand new 88 weighted key keyboard for Nathan!!!!! This is something he has wanted for a very long time, and it will greatly enhance his compositions! The keyboard is the same size as a real piano.... and with my son's huge hands, he really needed this!!!

Amazingly.... at this very moment, my husband's family property in CA is selling... which is why we can do this for our son!

What timing, eh??? Just at the time when Nathan is encouraged, inspired and ready to fight for his future!!!!!

Gerry.... how will I EVER thank you!!!!!

Swan

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Swan:

Once again you have blown me away with your words, your compassion and your love for your son. I have cried with you and for you since I have been on this board and I must say you have been an inspiration for me. You have been so strong and so faithful through all you have had thrown at you. I am thrilled at all that has happened for Nathan and I will continue to pray for his gift, as well as yours. What can I say? How about a book tour for you when "Chanson" is published with the music provided by Nathan playing in the background.

Who knows!

Carolyn

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I have never believed things happen in our lives by chance... no, on the contrary, I believe there is a plan and purpose for each of us, and that we are guided to the places and people who frame our lives.

This line specifically shot out at me, Bonnie Anne...because of how much I believe it myself. There's so much in this world that doesn't make sense, so many things in our lives that seem unimportant or meaningless at the time...and then later, the pieces come together.

That certainly happened for me while in Vegas in a big way, but I won't go on about that. Just know that I thoroughly agree....

:hug99:

~Mel

Oh, must comment on this....

Swan - it actually annoys me that anyone would EVER question whether you, of all people, appreciate the gift you were given. I can't imagine anyone who appreciates it more than you - and you express yourself so beautifully, whether in the written word or thru the music you and Nathan share.

A-freakin'-MEN. When I first heard about such, I was like, "WTF??" The majority, Swan, knows and loves you for your humbled appreciation of that gift.

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Hi Swansong...my friend Bonnie Anne,

you and I connected at GB.net more than a year ago, sharing our mutual experiences of Gerry-love. You sent me chapters of Chanson de L'ange, and I grew to deeply admire and appreciate your ability to write...whether your beautiful fiction story as well as your thoughts and feelings.

Then it became evident that your talents exceeded writing along. Nathan's music with your song and your voice singing it, oh my goodness! what a voice you have!! So, reading of your GALS convention adventures brought me much joy and many tears! May you and Nathan continue to find happiness, peace, and health...

Gerry Love for all, Merle~

Edited by Southern Fried Tart

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Hi Merle!

Yes.... this has been quite a journey for us both. Who would have thought, when we saw Gerry in POTO, that moment would completely change our lives? What a lovely surprise!

I am glad to have known you, Merle.... and as I shall be a fan of Gerry's for the long haul... I expect we will meet one day!

Hugs

Swan

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WOW! What can I say. I know that I am very new to this board (dabbled for a while at GB.net), but your story and everyone's responses have truely touched me.

Although I don't know any of you yet, I see some major parallels with another fansite I belong (actually the ONLY other one I belong) which is for Oded Fehr. Many people have no idea who he is, but we who are connected through him don't care. Here is the funny thing. Five years ago we decided to meet and we met for the first time in VEGAS! There was only about 15 of us, but the closeness and specialness was undeniable. We have met every year since in different locations and I look forward to it every year. It is just one big pajama party and I am amazed at the amount of laughter and fun we squeeze into 3-4 days.

I share this with you just to say I understand the specialness of group with a common thread. In the case here, it is Gerry. For me he touched me forever as the Phantom.

I hope to get to know you all better in the future. BTW how many attended this year?

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Hi Dawn.... and welcome to GALS. I am glad you are enjoying the personal stories of those who met Gerry in Vegas, and hope to see you frequently on the board!

I believe there were at least 100 fans in attendance at Vegas this year; consisting of fans from several fansites. It was, as you have just discovered, and amazing event.

BTW.... Next year's convention in Vegas is in the works! If you are interested in attending, click this link for more info!

http://www.gerardbutlergals.com/forums/ind...?showtopic=7535

Enjoy the board, and hope to see you in chat sometime!

Swan

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Dear Swansong this is the first time I knew your song and story was on here and I listened to it today and cried how awesome and wonderful for you. Such a memory you will never forget ever. :inlove:

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Bonnie Ann when I read your stories I feel I am reading the words of an Angel. I can't tell you how your words have touched my heart, my soul. You have given me hope ,so much hope and inspiration. All I can say is thankyou. All I can do is give you a big hug when I meet you in Vegas. And I say "when", there is no "if"... Before meeting all of the Gals and finding Gerry, I would have wrote the word "if"... But you all have changed that for me. I know now that I can tear out of my cocoon of safety I have surrounded myself with for so long. I have a chance to live. You have given me courage. You know through all of my days, I have stayed very close to my Lord, He has always been leading me to where I need to be. He has led me to Gals and I thank Him first for taking me on this wonderful journey. And thankyou for sharing your soul with us and giving us all a tremendous amount of hope, courage and inspiration.

love,

diane

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